http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm

Silvia Night shining in the light

This is going to be in eurovision this year.

This is possibly the only reason you need to watch it.

Apart from maybe the heavy metal band that are also entering.

No wonder we never win.

Just to give you a taster..

Hello is it god?
What’s up dog?
It’s your favourite person in the world Silvia Night
I’m saving the world
See you...bye

Before I get another bloody one of these chain emails, let me settle this damn thing once, and for all

MSN are *NOT* going to make us pay, and even if they were, a chain email would not save you

"Hi

If you look on the internet you'll find that the MSN thingi is actually true. On the 1st of november, we're gonna have to pay for the use of our MSN and email accounts unless we send this message to at least 18 contacts on our contact lists. If you're still unsure about this then visit the site http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/1189119.stm and see for yourself. Anyways once you've sent this message to at least 18 contacts, your msn dude will become blue. please copy and paste don't forward cos people won't take notice of it. "

I am not going to point fingers at people, it's just getting emails like this is something we all recieve, and this one in particular was the final straw.

I might believe this is if it wasn't for the fact none of these big chain emails ever actually have hotmail as the source. They could check who are not using their accounts by how often they log in, which is what they do anyway, and doing it this way would be inefficient and pointless. This is just another spamming craze and is totally pointless scaremongering.

As for the article them itself, it's referring to people who manage multiple emails through their hotmail.

"Microsoft stresses that the site's core facilities including Hotmail will remain free."

Read the quote carefully. Infact, you can ignore the quotes, just bother to read the article! Where does it mention closing msn messenger?! These messages are so clearly a bunch of lies, it's amazing so many people have been stupid enough to send or reply to them. I'm just so fed up of receiving them.

Also, if you read the news story, it doesn't even mention MSN messenger at any point.

So next time you send a news article, please read it, oh gullible people. Msn are not doing anything to msn messenger. It didn't say anything about closing the accounts of inactive users in that article.

It doesn't even matter if they do close the accounts of inactive users! You're all active users.

Oh. I'm also back from barcelona.

Click here to watch me freaking out ontop of a massive church.

Click here to see a My Humps parody of hilariousness

As I sit here, in what could only be called Sarah Jessica Parker style ( (in nothing but a tiny pair of boxers and (in nothing but a tiny pair of boxers and a t-shirt) I find myself musing, just like her, on (in nothing but a tiny pair of boxers and a t-shirt) I find myself musing, just like her, on love.

before anybody else says it for me (in nothing but a tiny pair of boxers and a t-shirt) I find myself musing, just like her, on love.

Before anybody else says it for me yes, I know. What, A, Gay.

It's about the cheapening of marriage/civil partnership all that stuff.

I'm sure that all of my readers (because I would hope nobody butt ugly would read this) have had offers from somebody saying "When I'm 40, if we're both single, let's get together."

I know I've agreed multiple times to it.

I just feel like too few people are upholding the ideals of true love! When I get together with Mr Perfect (but not so perfect as to upstage me) I want it to not be because I couldn't find anything better, but because I am in love and want to take advantage of the tax benefits I could recieve by being with him.

But enough about how love is now for a minority only.

Today, in about 2 and a half hours, I will be departing for Heathrow airport. I am heading to Barcelona bitches, and it's going to....suck.

Oh well, it's the easter holiday, what do I expect? Last year it was Venice, this year, Barcelona!

I'm going to be making another paper diary. I can already feel the pages, and pages of writing coming on.

I shall not be saying anymore, for fear of spoiling the diary, but I already have ideas.

Still, for now I say bye bye. I'll be back on monday at about 10pm.

Okay.

So.

I really wanted to make a post. It was going to be inciteful. It was going to be brilliant.

Then I suddenly realised I wasn't very sober.

Damn alcohol and its habit of making me drunk...

Anyway, I'll make one later about what happened today/yesterday (the last day of the month before april) tomorrow.

But rest assured I had a lovely time.

It involved meta-photos, sushi, photobooth stuff, long black gloves, pouting like you fucking mean it, Harry making out with some girl (who was quite pretty), Jaron Ice, the wicked stepmother from snow white, and possibly the new fashion craze of dalmation tails on people's heads.

I'll leave you all to make sense of this for me, because lord knows I can't right now.

Is she alright? She's...gone all weird.

A shit parody

Another awful parody.

View a short trailer type thing for....Snakes on a plane.



I know I am horribly behind on the whole "We Love Snakes On A Plane" thing. I don't care though, because the idea actually makes me squeal with joy (and that's a difficult noise to get out of me).

In other news



This YE company happen to be throwing a party soon. This saturday in fact! I have tickets for people, come buy them off me!

You get a free lollipop upon entering the disco.

The theme is School Disco! I am so sorry, I had no part in planning the theme. Wearing a school tie, or at least some sort of uniform is forced.

[EDIT]:It's from 8:00 til 12:00 and it's at the Fairfield hotel. Tickets are £5 each.

Tickets are cheaper than last time, so I hope y'all can come. If people need to meet me on saturday to get tickets, I will be in Croydon. Otherwise try and get them off me sooner!

More Snakes On A Plane stuff.

Remember. Slaughtering grapes NEVER kill accidentally.

In other news...

Thanks to the new brand of loo, consider your homosexual toilet problems gone!

When I say homosexual toilet problems, I mean toilet problems because you are a homosexual, not because you have a problem with the fact your toilet is homosexual.

Political correctness gone mad, no?

It's my time of the month. A fact I regret to share with you, but it's true. No, it's not the time of the month to update (although I am) it's my time in the month to metaphorically bleed. Internally, from my heart, just from the pain of my mere existance. Oh woe. Tragic, terrible, awful, catastrophic...utter wank. Y'know the sort. I am currently in the anger phase of my PMDD (like PMS, but worse...yes, that is possible) and my world feels jaunty.

I feel like THIS sentence looks.

I am erratic, and if I were to be crept upon right now, I would probably strangle, then defecte directly onto the perpetrator of such a heinous act.

However, I'm a man of practicality. There is a use for having an over active bile duct! Not just to inject you with too much acid so you vomit, but so that you can bitch about people who are essentially good people witout feeling bad.

Allow me to show you some diagrams of what I mean.

Before, and after

Once again,before, and after

Before I continue this rant, a small interlude from Mafu Lane.

Anyway, you probably know what I'm getting at. There's something irritating about this crop of celebrities that have this god complex about them.

Part of me just thinks "You're all rich and famous, you don't need to care." I suppose it's nice they do. I have no reason to get mad at them really, people like Chris Martin and all these other wanky god-complex celebs are doign good, and I can't complain at them for that.

However, there's something about the way they do it, that just grates with me. This sort of 'holier than thou' attitude they all seem to have. It's a patronising 'let's help the plebs' thing which just doesn't sit nicely in my stomach. I'm not saying they don't do good work, but do they have to be so smarmy?

It's inconsequential really, this is an extremely old rant that was formulated when I was in quite a bad mood and doesn't really make much sense as it did when I first wrote it. I believe I have had this draft saved for several weeks now.

TOPIC CHANGE

What is wrong with these photos?

Harry is Potter becoming more windswept as he ages?

I personally don't quite understand the logic here. Sure, the films are pretty basic, and obviously the only way to add drama and tension to them would be through pathetic fallacy, but I think we can't get any windier. The final Harry Potter poster will just be him flying off into the distance as the DRAMATIC winds have just continued to get stronger until he just can't remain in the frame.

I sometimes amaze myself with how dull I must make my life appear to the world.

My life has always been this pointless.

The Lord of all that is insomniacal and green tea is back. I wish I could show you all him, but unfortunatly I'm the only one here, so instead you bitches are going to have to hear my ramblings.

I hope you've all missed my enlightened cough posts, and I promise, I'm going to start bringing you more despite, yet another hiatus.

I could update you on all the stuff I've been up to, but it's not very interesting and can really just be summed up with one word.

Vomit

Yup, I'm still randomly vomiting, but now I have stronger ranitidine and am taking it more regularly and it seems to have calmed down. It's great fun, i have so many drugs in my bag. I feel like a top class drug smuggling, cock sucking, bin raiding, bum fighting, tit grabbing, tea drinking, company report writing, essay non-writing, calender watching whore.

I only seem to be able to post when I am reasonably good spirits (unless it's one of those awful posts where I moan and moan about life, society and the general ignorance I seem to encounter in the world) so if that's any sort of indication to why I've not been posting recently, so what. I'm cheerier now. I don't even seem to care I am having to pull some sort of an 'all-nighter'.

Um. God. Too many words, and no photos.



Ah. Much better.

Now, to continue. Yes, I am covered in loo roll in that picture. It's not that strange. You're just jealous you're not enough of a drama queen to almost be close to tears merely by a savage loo roll attack.

So, Croydon's number one eyeliner wearing cockbag is in high spirits again. That must be something for you all to smile about.

What's clearly in order now, is a small sermon on the dreaded...

FFP

No, as much as I'd like it to be, it's not the association of people who want to 'fist fuck preston' instead it's in reference to the phenomena that occurs when drinking diuretic drinks, such as green tea, or if you're one of the more toxin loving members of our species, coke, or beer. It's an acronym for the 'fatal first piss'. You may have heard it called 'opening the floodgates', but this is an accurate description, but an insufficient definition. It's when you take that first piss and know that from that point onwards you're going to be urinating for the whole night. Which is good, in many ways, lord knows ('cos he's in the clouds and runs stuff and is smart, innit?) too much urea in your system is just begging for some sort of nasty urinary infection (a bit like chlamydia, but with less sex) but it's still quite annoying. I'm currently suffering from it, as green tea is the only thing keeping me going right now (although it's worthy of note that it's not keeping me very sane) and I regret to say that if I hadn't taken that first piss my body would've decided to wet itself by now.

The trick with dealing with this irritating bodily habit, I find, is to put yourself in the correct mind set. It's a GOOD thing you seem to have lost all control over your bladder. Think of all the purging you're doing! Look at all of those nasty toxins just flush down the loo, or swim down the urinal. Where they go? Nobody cares! So long as it's very far away.

Of course, there is a darker side to all this. Just ask anybody with diarrhea, they'll tell you all about the 'fatal first poo' which is somewhere you really do not want to go.

So next time you're suffering from FFP-syndrome, count yourself lucky.

I suppose that's all for now.

I'm off to finish a company report. Stay beautiful. Ciao.

Isn't that a nice title? I just read that off a packet of pens, I'm not yet poetic enough to come up with that myself. It's a really gorgeous packet of pens actually.



Anyway.

These, are my drugs.



They're currently preventing me from puking everywhere. Puking can be caused by excess levels of acid in the stomach. Your stomach produces more acid when stressed. This is why I was offered anti-depressants, as well as these, the reason being Ranitidine makes your stomach produce less acid.

Do you know what that means?

Now, we can stress as much as we like, with none of the unpleasant side effects, such as vomiting.

yay.

In other news, I'm going to slag off somebody pretty harmless.



LOOK! It's a photo of the the rose of England. Yes, the underdog non-celeb, now celeb Chantelle is crossing my mind.

Chantelle Houghton, celebrity big brother contestant. She entered, as an unknown, against a bunch of other 'celebrities' and ended out coming first. Anybody who didn't see that coming, deserves a bat to the face, but however, this is not my rant. I'm actually quite fond of Chantelle for what she is. She's strangely bright, funny, cute, and generally has a lot of great traits. You would think that she'd make quite a good role model, right?





Here she is. The ROSE of England. This is the best role model for working class girls everywhere, that England can manage. What bothers me most is the fact that Chantelle is among the few female celebrities out there who is clearly working class. She doesn't speak like Cate Blanchett, or Gyewnyth Paltrow. She's clearly working class.

Let's look at our other female working class celebrties.

Jodie Marsh.

Katie Price.

Kerry Katona.

Jade Goody.

Hrm...all of these are either media whores, or people who've got famous for taking their tops off.

Is this the message we want to send out to working class girls?

Or to any girls at all, really?

"Don't worry about working in school girls! Don't worry about any of that!
It doesn't matter. Just take off your top, and/or go on a reality T.V program!"

Don't worry though, Pink, with her new single "Stupid Girls" is here to save you.

She'll tell you all about not being a trashy slut whore.

The fact that Pink is quite clearly manufactured and has been thrown into this role of "rebel" buy her record company is irrelevant! GO buy her records, you outcasts, you girls with ambition. Go support Pink!

Have you ever felt, like you don't make very many decisions yourself? That a big marketing corpiration somewhere out there is going to tell you how you feel?

"Buy records from us."

"No, your artist is a trashy slut."

"um. Okay, this is another one we have, she's not a trashy slut."

"Oh! Great! I'll get hers instead."

Nowadays, it seems, the only point of dignity, is to appeal to a niche market.

Sad, no?

( Clicky and enter the realm with mainly photos of me, but I've included some of other people too. Namely Joe from the cooking... )

So. A lot of photos, but also a quick textual update. I am currently very ill and keep on missing school (I'm going to get so behind!) because I am vomiting. It's really annoying. I went to see a doctor today, and they told me it was stress related. I was offered an anti-acid, or anti-depressants.

I decided to try the anti-acid...

There's only one question left to ask, why are you all not here nursing me back to health? Ungratefuls.

All the love a sick boy like me could vom to you folks.

x

Tetris...with a twist.

If the last thing you ever do, is download and listen to this song, you will have lead a full and happy life.

I almost wet myself with joy when I first heard it.

Clicky the tetris twist sign! Do it now.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ROUND UP, ROUND UP!

This term, trinity are throwing a charity X-Factor competition

I am going to compete. It's going to be brilliant.

One condition.

I NEED AN ACT!

So, right here, right now, I am on my knees begging you all for an idea.

What should I do, for the X-Factor?

( Posting because I can. )

That is all.

EDIT:I love how this is my first post of 2006.

Should be a good year.

Before I begin, a quick musical christmas type interlude for you all to click on.

Also, an experiment I feel I need to try some time soon.

To partake in the action of capturing a photo, one requires two things. A camera, and something to take a photo of. I could get all technical and arse-ey and point out all the other things you need for a photo, but I thought I'd keep things simple and leave it this.

With the emergence of the camera phone, we are finding ourselves in sitations where taking a photo is easier and better than ever. Now, this coupled with the face every picture has a story, is simply begging for a livejournal entry.



To begin, this is the photo that came with my phone. It's a screen saver. It's quite pretty, but goes much slower on the phone than it does on here.

( So look inside here, to see all the photos and stories from all the pictures on my phone, some of which are actually interesting. )

Thank you for reading it all. It was a waste of both our lives, but it makes us both happy really, so it wasn't.

I just heard my parents having sex.

Now it's officially Christmas.

Have a good old merry yuletide everybody...